- Sometimes, it’s tough to tell if someone is in love with you.
- However, some relationship experts believe that there are ways to tell if someone has stronger feelings than you may realize.
- With a bit of detective work, you can look for behaviors that indicate that a person secretly loves you.
Sometimes, a person right in front of you may be in love with you, but you don’t realize it. Perhaps you’re friends who hang out a lot and you even tell others that nothing’s going on — you’re “just friends.” However, little do you know that the person is harboring secret feelings for you.
Or maybe you are dating, but get mixed signals from them — though they’re not saying “I love you,” they are showing you through their subtle actions. Yes, they rescued you when you got stranded in the middle of the freeway when you ran out of gas, but isn’t that what friends do?
To get the scoop, Business Insider spoke to two relationship experts, including Dr. Suzana E. Flores, clinical psychologist and author of “Facehooked: How Facebook Affects Our Emotions, Relationships, and Lives.” “While there is no guaranteed way to know if a person is truly in love with you, there are a few signs someone can show to reveal how they really feel,” Dr. Flores told.
1. They have fun with you even if the task at hand is not fun, per se
The saying, “It’s not what you do, but who you’re with” is popular for a reason — because it’s true. Pay attention to the person who’s always there for you, even when the task at hand is not outwardly a fun one, like helping you move. “A sign someone may be in love with you includes their ability to have fun with you even during mundane tasks,” Dr. Flores said. “If they are happy to see you, no matter what the two of you are doing, it may be love.”
Kailen Rosenberg, elite matchmaker and founder of The Lodge Social Club, a dating application with a three-step vetting process that launched earlier this month, agrees. “The person will often go the ‘extra mile’ to help you with something — a project, a need, an errand, etc.,” she told. “Bottom line, they want to be near you, thought of by you, and assist you.”
2. They look at you … a lot
The next time you’re with the person in question, note how often they look at you. Harvard psychologist Zick Rubin found a correlation between eye contact and love. In his study, couples deeply in love look at one another 75% of the time while talking, while people engaged in conversation only look at each other about 30-60% of the time.
“When someone is in love with you, they will stare at your eyes more directly and for a longer period of time; they want to be completely present with you,” Dr. Flores said. “This is why it’s so important to interact with a love interest in person versus just through digital connection — we need to connect emotionally through eye contact.”
3. They pay more attention to you
Everyone is busy, right? But people also make time for things — and others — that are important to them. “Someone may be in love when they begin to focus a lot of their attention on you, especially in one-on-one settings,” Dr. Flores said. Rosenberg agrees. “They’re just like the boy on the playground who used to pull your hair or tease you when you were a kid,” she said.
4. They show empathy — in good times and bad
When someone is not only sympathetic when something happens to you, but also empathetic, it may be another sign that they are in love with you. In other words, your happiness is their happiness, and your pain is their pain.
“Someone in love will care about your feelings and your well-being,” Dr. Flores said. “If he or she is able to show empathy or is upset when you are, not only do they have your back, but they also probably have strong feelings for you.”
5. They remember the little things
When it comes to reading signs to see if someone loves you, pay attention to the little things — because they’ll do them. You two may go to the movies and they’ll mix your popcorn with Raisinettes because you once mentioned you liked that salty and sweet combination.
“Someone in love will remember your birthday, your favorite color, and favorite meal, so the little things they remember and do for you are also meaningful,” Dr. Flores said.
6. They introduce you to the important people in their lives
The more people they introduce you to, especially those important to them, such as their family and best friends, the more likely it is they want to be closer to you emotionally.
“They’ll also go out of their way to connect you with their own friends and connections to help make your life or work easier,” Rosenberg said.
7. They often mention the future
How does the person act when it comes to talking about the future? Do they talk in more “we” language or “me” language? After all, you don’t talk about upcoming and faraway events with just anybody, unless you definitely want them in your life and by your side.
“Notice how the person behaves around you,” Dr. Flores said. “If they suddenly start speaking about a possible future with you, it’s a sign that they are falling in love or are already in love with you.”